Long time no post!
How are you doing?
I have realized that if I keep looking for the perfect time to drop a post here, I just might not share anything. The previous series was to help my consistency but look at me, hovering around my keypad not of lack of what to write but because my mind won’t just agree with me at the this time. Whenever my mind is ready yo! Lol
I’ve been good… Because you asked.
How are you?
I honestly don’t know where to start from. On several days I have tried to put my thoughts in words. Nothing. Well, not nothing. They come in streams. Streams that have no definition so no matter how much I try to read what I’ve written they don’t make sense.
Or maybe they do.
Who wants to read about my pain? Or my confusion? Or the wins? I don’t even want to read them lol. At least not yet.
I’m familiar with where I am right now. In the midst of miracles and pain.
One good news here. One heart breaking information next. Some times I’m able to catch my breath in between but on some other times it’s a back to back something. It’s not strange but every new level comes with a new dimension that leaves me too breathless to even ask questions.
For instance, I got disqualified for an already ready admission and in the same breath got a certification I’ve been looking forward to. From Premium Tears to Won’t God Do Eet 😂
I heard my Mom telling my Dad that I barely talk when I get home and she’s concerned. I don’t have much words these days anymore. Or maybe I do have them but it’s stressful using them after doing a 7.30 – 5.00 job I love.
So here’s where I’m at the moment:
* Taking breaks on anything that threatens my mental health or triggers panic for me
* Starting new chapters of life bit by bit
* Talking to God about anything and everything. The beautiful part about this is I don’t even have to say it out loud. I’m learning to talk with Him in my mind and it’s amazing to scream too on some days. Yes, at Him. In my mind. When everything begins to choke
* Picking my calls more often
* Sustaining relationships that have thrived through my shenanigans
* Constantly choosing to forgive folks whose words have hurt and nearly destroyed my self-esteem
So, how are you too?